


Realisation

by orphan_account



Category: Blues Brothers (Movies)
Genre: Abuse, English is not my native language, First story, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 14:50:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3900313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short story of pain, how the cycle was broken and how two siblings learned to open up to eachother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Realisation

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language, so have mercy.

Realisation

It had been going on for quite some time now. Neither of the two knew how it had happened. Jake was just angry, angry at Elwood. It started with yelling at him.  
‘It’s all your fault!’

‘You and your mission from god!’

The first time, Elwood hadn’t flinched. He knew how impulsive his brother could be sometimes. That’s what he told himself to believe. But then it became more specific. More personal.

‘Is toast all you can eat?’

‘I literally have to do everything you?’

‘Just start talking for yourself!’

It transitioned into insults.

‘idiot!’

‘Moron!’

Elwood took it all in. Would just lay on his prison bed and listen to his brother ramble, would play harmonica, to drown Jake out, something he had never done before. Then a word fell.

Retard.

A lot of people had called him that. But the word came out of Jake’s mouth and it made his heart ache just a little to be called… that, by his own brother. He thought ‘Jake’s just angry. He’ll get better.’ But he didn’t.

The first time Jake had hit him, was after a concert in the prison. Elwood’s moral and motivation was at an all time low, having to endure so many things. Not only was he being insulted by Jake, but also belittled, made fun of and blamed for everything. Elwood was lying in his usual place as he heard Jake: “You did a shit job today.”  
“I’m sorry.” Elwood responded. Jake glared at him “If you managed to get us in here, have at least some courtesy and play right. Or are you too retarded for that too?”

Elwood twitched. There was that heartache again. “Jake. Could you stop?”

“Stop? You don’t get to give me orders!” he hissed back. Elwood stood up, trying to talk some sense into him “Jake, please calm down.”  
“CALM DOWN? Who of us got us locked in? You did!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Did I allow you TO FUCKING TALK?!” he yelled and pushed his brother against the wall, angry. Elwood seemed shocked but he collected his thoughts “Jake… Stop. You’re scarring me.”

“Sc-scarring…” he raised his hand and clenched it to a fist “Do you want me to scare you Elwood?” Jake asked suddenly… way too calm. Elwood looked at him “I… I… don’t understand.” He whispered a bit hoarse.

“DID I FUCKING STUTTER?” Jake punched him in the face. For a while nobody said anything until Elwood touched the spot that still seemed to hurt, that seemed to burn, even pulsate and then said “Y-you… hit me…”

“No fucking shit. Thank god you’re smart enough to get that.” Jake said and went to sleep. Elwood climbed to the upper half and curled up to a ball, not willing to believe that this had happened.

And then… everything just went downhill. Jake didn’t control himself anymore. Not only did the insult become more cutting, more… harsh.  
‘You screw up everything!’

‘You’re useless!’

Jake didn’t let him stim anymore. Said… ‘Don’t embarrass me.’ Every time he did something wrong…  
Punch

Slap

Screaming

How many days could he take of this? Not many. What could he do about it? Nothing. But there were only so many times he could cry himself to sleep. Only so many times he can have a meltdown and Jake belittle him for it. He couldn’t even talk. And Jake yelled at him for that.

Months had passed… Turning into years. From the 18 they had to stay locked in, three passed. Three years, that felt like a nightmare and his brother… big brother he always looked up to… was the culprit. This was a fact Elwood had started to accept.

Elwood hadn’t been in his cell today. Jake was pacing up and down, angry. Finally he returned with two wardens escorting him. One warden said “Jake. I won’t beat around the bush: Elwood tried to kill himself.”

“Yeah, sure he did. Not surprised he screwed that up too.” Jake said in a mocking tone, but something inside his mind started to wake up.

“He used mirror shards to slice his wrists open. You should talk to him about it.” the warden pushed Elwood back into the cell. He weaseled on the upper bed. After the warden left Jake said “I hope you’re fucking proud of yourself.”

“…” Elwood looked at his wrists.

“ANSWER ME DAMN IT!” Jake yelled “COME DOWN AND FUCKING ANSWER ME!”

Elwood obeyed and stood in front of Jake. He eyed his little brother and grabbed his wrist and felt how his heart almost stood still. Blood stained bandages “Elwood… Why…?”

“…” Elwood looked at the ground, which caused Jake to gulp. He let go of Elwood and slowly raised his hands to remove Elwood’s sunglasses, which caused Elwood to flinch. Jake finally removed the sunglasses and suddenly time seemed to slow down, as he inspected his brother’s face: bruised, he had a black eye… But his eyes… They were red and swollen as if Elwood been crying… a lot. “Elwood…” Jake said and softly put a hand on Elwood’s face, noticing how he flinched again. Jake felt like he had woken up from a long nap, the last three years started to feel like his brain had been on autopilot, everything seemed distant and far away but the haunting memories were there…  
As if he had been watching a morbid theatre act.

“Did… Did I do this to you?” Jake asked carefully “Oh… god…” he was disgusted by himself “Elwood…” he leaned in to hug him, but Elwood pushed him away.  
“Elwood I’m sorry!” Jake said, trying to hold him, but Elwood always backed away, always tried to avoid him or his gaze.

“El… I…”

“It’s too late.” He finally said his voice filled with bitterness and disappointment “I’m tired.” Elwood sounded just cold and distant as he went to bed.  
Jake lay down on the bed under him and felt a lump in his throat. How couldn’t he have noticed? How couldn’t he have controlled himself? He did the same thing his fiancée did to him. He grabbed the pillow and buried his face in it, so Elwood couldn’t hear him sob. He reached the lowest low you could reach.

“I’m sorry Elwood…”

“Leave me alone.”

“Elwood… Listen… p-please listen to me.”

“No. You made my life hell the last three years. I hate you for that.”

“You got every right to hate me. I swore to protect you. I swore to help you.”

“But you didn’t. You just hurt me.”

“I regret it. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.” Jake sighed

“Don’t talk to me.” Elwood had his hands clenched to fists, he was trembling, his whole body shaking and feeling incredibly numb “Don’t… fucking talk to me.”  
This was the last real conversation the two had, for roughly a month. Elwood had avoided any contact with Jake and it was killing him inside, but Jake kept his coolness in front of his band mates, kept himself calm and collected, forced himself to be… calm and collected, kept himself from telling anyone about what was eating him from the inside.  
One night, he thought he was alone in his cell… Thought Elwood was at the doctor or something having been put under suicide watch. Jake didn’t care, he did the same as always: cry, letting all the emotions building up inside of him go he continuously said “Oh god… I’m sorry… Elwood I’m sorry.”

He looked up and said “I wish I could turn back time. I hate myself… But it doesn’t matter. I hurt the only family I got, I deserve this.”  
What Jake didn’t know: Elwood was already in his bed hearing everything.

“I’m nothing without Elwood. I never realized how much I needed him. He deserves better than me.” Jake sounded choked up, sounded broken. Elwood went finally down and said “You’re sorry.”

“I am…” Jake answered, trying to hide the fact that he had been crying.

“But I don’t think I can forgive you. I can’t.” Elwood looked at the ground “I wish I could Jake. You got no idea how badly I want to forgive you. But I can’t.”

“I understand. I can’t forgive myself either.” He said and stood up, pulling Elwood close to him, hugging him and burying his face into Elwood’s chest. Elwood didn’t return the hug.

He just stood there.

“I’m a terrible sibling Jake.”

“Why you saying that El?” Jake stepped backwards, confused. Elwood sighed “I feel like a burden to you. Like I’m dragging you down.”

“El…”

“You always were the more talented one. You’d be much better without me. I mean… We’re here and it’s my entire fault. I… even thought you hurt me, because I did deserve it.” He suddenly felt like those were things that had to be said, Elwood didn’t always talk like that, he never did in fact. It was eerily quiet for a while, only the heavy breathing of the two was heard, as Elwood’s word seemed to echo inside the cell.

Jake frowned “I wouldn’t function without you. You’re the only reason that I kept going.”

“Jake.  
”  
“I never told you. I don’t know why. I guess, I thought it wasn’t important.” Jake sighed “I was in a bad place with… her. So often did I want to end it all, but you were the one thing I held onto. I had nobody else, but you and I realized that I couldn’t leave you behind.”

Elwood nodded and said “When you came to get me… I wanted to cry out of joy.” He fell silent, not knowing how to say the next sentence “I had cried myself to sleep almost every night because you weren’t there…”

Both had the overwhelming feeling of tears in their eyes. And they just let go. Jake said, a bit choked up “Shit… The last time I cried in front of you, was when mom and dad died.”  
“I don’t think I ever cried in front of you.” Elwood suddenly wanted to be embraced and he hugged his big brother, as they started crying tears of any kind: of joy, relief, sadness… Years of bottled up emotions, repressed memories and it all got out of them, like that.

It would take a while until Elwood could trust him again.

But this was a step in the right direction indeed.

The end


End file.
